is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize