no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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