And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
