What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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