Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
