Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
