did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
