You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize