I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
