just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
there is glitter all over my balls
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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