Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
