I wish I could punch you in the face.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
