We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
