and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize