When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
