Where are you?
In a non slutty way
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize