Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
