i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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