If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
