update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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