Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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