New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
