I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
