Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
