You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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