my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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