This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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