so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize