dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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