So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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