This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
