Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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