you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
