he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
