So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
