I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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