A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
