mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
