Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
