His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
