my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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