i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
