So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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