just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
