I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
