eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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