She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
