you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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