I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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