I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize