I molested 6 butterflies tonight
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
