i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Terrible idea I love it
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
