It's like God shit irony all over that family
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
