I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We had to coat check the pizza.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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