Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize