I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
