Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
