Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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