Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Two words: blizzard sex
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
