Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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