i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
