My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think a kid would responsible me up
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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