So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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