yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
