Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
