I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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