i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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