In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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