I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i dont even know how to be here
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
