i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize