My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
