I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
