My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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