He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
