So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
