Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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