she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
the raccoons are back...
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