I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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