there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
