Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
