Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
