i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
