So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
