3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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