that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
