ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
