Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
