I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize