Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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