i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize