not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
