There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
