Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Two words: blizzard sex
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
