i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
