why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
