Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
