When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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