I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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