so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
