I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
