i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
