it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
