No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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