I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
