I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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