I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
