i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
