my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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