Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
